Romeo and Juliet
How does Paris explain the sudden haste of the marriage plans?
*He threw a rock at her face

On which movie should be shown:
*In the new version they barely show boobies and in the old one it is more appropriate.

*If a new teacher arrived at school with intentions to show a Romeo and Juliet flick, then the teacher should pop in the newer version because no kid wants to watch a corny ass movie that looks like it's been through your great-grandparents life.

Why is Friar Lawrence reluctant to marry Paris to Juliet?
*Juliet and Romeo have a constipated marriage

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The hook (first line) of a student's essay on video games
Pac-Man was designed to appeal to women since Pac-Man is always eating, like women do.

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What, two months into the school year...it's time for posts!
This is in response to an SAT essay prompt, not English (which is my subject), so I take no responsibility for the girl's "understanding" of the content she describes.

The prompt: "Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?"

I told students to attempt to use academic examples as support. This girl said: "In history, the United State and Germany declared war on each other. Due to an abundance of people and harsh weather conditions, Germany came out on top. We learned from this war, called Vietnam, and made peace with Germany to prevent this disaster from ever happening again. Another country did, however, decide to go to war with Germany. As you should have assume, Germany won once again."

*facepalm*

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I stole this from my friend's FB status. It's too "shareable" not to pass on!
Asked my class to write sentences using their vocab. words. One of the words was Consternation meaning terror or dismay.

As I was grading, this is what I got: "There are 13 consterstripes and 50 consterstars on my consterflag for my consternation."

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A sentence on today's last exam essay: "One thing that was similar about the characters of Macbeth and Gawain is the theme of 'Old English.'"

Also, all of his "details" about Macbeth were actually vague summaries of the movie Beowulf

Yeah, this kid will be taking Brit Lit again.

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This has been quiet lately!
Thankfully, this is an English paper, not a science or history paper. But I take no credit for the weird errors which I reproduce faithfully here.

An English 11 student is attempting to use a historical example as support for her thesis that persistence is the major factor in success:

For another example, NASA had many of failed attempts to get humans into outspace. There was many deaths caused from these experiments, but they never gave up. On Apollo 13 many people died because the spacecraft exploded. The NASA workers were devestated, but they kept trying. Now NASA has sent off many successful aircrafts, and a few weeks ago they sent one successfully into space.

*headdesk*

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Pimp in the making.
Journal for seventh graders:

"If you were a skilled juggler, what kinds of objects would you like to try to juggle?"

Answer: "3 fiancees"

xposted to my journal

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( Grade 5 quotes (photos)Collapse )

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Grade 5's Advice to Grade 4's
My grade 5's were asked to write "12 things you need to know to pass grade 5" for the grade 4's. Here is some of their advice. [Spelling/grammar uncorrected]

-A thing to know to pass grade 5 is to always get a good mark on the first test and P.S. never ever tell your teacher that you didn't study for a test because they make you do another one and whatever the worse mark is they give it to you
-You have to bring back your library books and text books or you can't pass grade 5
-French: you can make it trough like me
-Music: very, very, very, BORING
-[Know] your teachers soft spot
-[Know] how to lie
-[Know] your enemies: they can blame you for stuff that's not true
-Freinds to back you up
-Exuses to get outa school
-Never never never ever ever ever miss a day in June unless you don't feel good
-You have to be nice to your piers because you could put yourself jeoperaty of not passing grade 5
-Another thing you need to know to pass grade 5 is study for all the test even if you have to miss soccer practice e.t.c.
-Never miss a day when it's suppose to be a test or Mr H will say "miss a day miss a lot"
-Listen to Mr H!! ALWAYS!!
-Give Mr H a can or bottle of Diet Pepsi every day
-Don't make fun of a teacher's baldness
-Need the things like pencils erasors rulers
-Proper tools for e.g. writting etc
-At all time pay attention
-Don't miss 20 days of school
-Try not to get R&R forms
-Don't get 3 R&R forms in a month
-Always be prepaired for a pop quiz
-Know the human body
-Know your multiplication, know your division, know your times tables
-Know how to identify different text features
-If you have a problem suck it up and move on!
-To pass grade 5 you HAVE to pass French
-Don't be in La La Land
-Homework completion must be good
-Appropriate behaviour is needed
-Never missplace a library book or text book because if you dont bring it back or pay money you dont get your report card
-Have indoor voices during nutrition breaks or else say goodbye to recess
-Always protesapet in class!
-Don't disturbe in class
-Do your work not talk to your friends
-Know your X in math
-Know how to use paper musha
-Be ready. All ways be ready
-All ways come in early
-Have alot of schema on matter
-Know alot of French
-Show the process of all your work
-All ways put 110% in to your work
-Have a good atendince
-Have RESPECT
-You always have to do your work to pass grade 5 and not goof off
-Check over your answers after writing any type of test or quiz
-Most importantly stop, think, and make good choices!

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Not Hermes!
I picked up a student's water bottle by mistake today...her response:

"That's mine! Don't drink from it, I have Hermes!"

The best part is...she said it on purpose! I love it when kids let the inner geek out a little.

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Blame it on the Weather?
A friend sent me over here, and it warms my heart so...

I was grading pre-Algebra papers this morning when I came across this rather long-worded answer to a question: "Answers may vary. See student's work".

Sad thing is, she's one of my top students. D:

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Fun in Speech!
Visiting Specialist: If a man who entertains guests is called a "host", a woman who entertains guests is called a...
Student: Co-host!

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When it's hard to maintain dignity...
Context: We're reading TKAM, and I do an activity that has students track various derogatory terms for a day, just to see how often it comes up. Students were picking the term they would track, which led to the following statement:

"You can't be fag, I'm fag!"

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Anglo-Saxon epic meets internet cult icon
I was reading Beowulf with my class. (We're not going in chronological order this year, in case you're wondering why I'm talking about Beowulf in January.) We got to the part where Beowulf swims down into the lake of unknown depths to fight Grendel's mother. The line says "He sank for hours...."

I said, "At this point, classes *always* ask me how could he hold his breath for hours. Don't worry about the science...he can hold his breath that long because he's *Beowulf*, and he's just *that* good."

A student said, "Oh! He's like Chuck Norris!"

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Best exam essay sentence so far.
The prompt was to compare a Romantic poet to a character from any work, or a modern celebrity, or someone they knew, etc. This kid compared Byron to Billy Bob Thornton.

"Another comparison between my poet and Mr. Thornton is the fact that they were both born with informalities."

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Impressive.
I'm doing a research project on the Romantic poets. When one girl turned in all her research notecards, she did not include any source cards. I told her that she got no points until she provided source information.

I got the source cards today. Half the cards *still* didn't match up with a source card, about a third of them were from sources that weren't on the approved list, and one of them, the website Books and Writers, was apparently authored by Harriet Beecher Stowe.

*headdesk*

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Isn't it Ionic?
I gave a quiz where students had to determine if a bond is polar covalent, nonpolar covalent, or ionic using electronegativities and a chart. Essentially you subtract the two elements and take the absolute value of the answer.

At any rate, one student provided the title of an Alanis Morissette song and an element. Neither of which are in the list of three possible answers.

( Scan of his quiz.Collapse )

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Hypocrisy?
Some of my sophomores have a skewed idea of "hypocrisy."

1) It's hypocritical that my curfew is 11 on the weekends, but my mom stays out till 1.
2) It's hypocritical that my parents tell me not to have sex, but they do.

Seriously?!

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